New filk: "OCEANIC GETS YOU LOST"

elegantpaws , this is ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!

OCEANIC GETS YOU LOST
(TTTO "UNITED BREAKS GUITARS" BY DAVE CARROLL)

I flew on Oceanic on a non-stop flight from Sidney
The plane rolled off the tarmac then it lifted gently to a cloudless sky---
The guy who sat beside kept on calling me his "Brotha"--he looked really damned familiar to my eyes...
The flight was uneventful--unless you count that junkie
He was choking on a condom filled with heroin or maybe crack cocaine--
I was munching on my peanuts when the plane began to tremble
Then the air was filled with screams of fear and pain...
(chorus)
Oceanic---we're not where we should be
Oceanic---don't look like L.A. to me
The fusillage is droppin'--this nightmare isn't stoppin'
I should have flown on Quantas Air for half the cost....
Oceanic gets you LOST!
I awoke to mass confusion on a pile of broken luggage
Underneath a guy named Hurley whom I quickly asked to please get off my back
There's a sobbing chick who's pregnant--someone's cussing in Korean
And I heard last night some polar bears attacked
The bald guy left his wheelchair, now he's waving a machete
Says the Island has a Power--that that Power will demand a sacrifice....
And from a distant hillside---the Others are observing
And it's clear they plan to put us all on ice....
(CHORUS)
I was flyin' to Los Angeles to spend a week's vacation
I'm textin' Travelocity--the phone says "Out Of Service"
Ben Linus say if I have got a problem, just take it up with Jacob
I don't think He will listen--my name's not on his Wall.....
Oceanic Got Me Lost!

TERI: I say we stick with Locke

LINDA: You stick with Locke—I’m headin’ down the hatch with Desmond

TERI: You think we can believe Ben about getting off this rock?

LINDA: No way!

          He’s  a man—without conviction

          He’s a man—who doesn’t know

          How to sell—his contradictions

          He turns the wheel—the island goes!

TOGETHER:

          Dharma-dharma-dharma-dharma

          Dharma Chameleon

          He comes and goes—he comes and goes—

          Livin’ with Initiative can drive you insane, that’s true—

          He’s Number Two—for Hurley too!

(CHORUS)

(and here's the original so you can sing along...)

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